in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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