i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
