Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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