people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
