my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
