you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i out mim tonsoeep
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
