After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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