Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
