He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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