Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
