Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
