The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
