I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
