We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
