yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
