everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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