I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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