If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
