scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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