I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was confusing and full of hummus
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
