It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Who died my cat blue again?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
