two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
