i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
