just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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