anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
