Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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