morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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