Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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