There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
