I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
