I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
