The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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