You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
