theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize