I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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