why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
