I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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