please come you make the beer taste better
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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