Cold hands, warm shart.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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