So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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