I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize