well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
