My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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