Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
should my penis look like a turkey
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
