It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
