Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize