I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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