apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
