she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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