Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
