It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
