he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
