Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
