dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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