Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
