yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize