Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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