It's just like the Real World with babies
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
