i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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