Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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