i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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