It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
