Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
