I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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