I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
