I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
