remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize