Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm at about main and main street
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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